noo I've often heard it said,by my my faither and my brother,
that the buying o' a hoose was the making o' my brother,
If this be true, then I'll go and put a bid in,
o' kind providence,dont let me buy a Midden!
And It's o' dear me , what shall I dae,for I've went an' bought a hoose fae Barrat.
Noo there's ma sister Jean,she's no handsome or good looking,
she bought a hoose for a song, of a fella she was courtin,
noo I'm twenty four wi' a son and a daughter,
they've got their ain wee room,but they share it wi hot water.
I can cook I can sew,I can keep the hoose right tidy,
I can lie in my bed and get the breakfast ready,
but there's theres nothing in the wide world,would make me half sae cheery,
if I could find a space tae put my coloured tv.
O come tinker,come tailor,come soldier,come sailor,
if your under four feet two,my hoose is made tae order,
come rich man,come poor man,come wise man or come ony,
you could get a bigger hoose if ye bought it off ae sony.
When the mortgage people said that investing was worthwhile,
I was taken by the image I'd be living in great style,
till the council man came roon looking for an explanation,
in the garden was a wendy hoose,he called it an extension.
On the day that I moved in,it was the proudest feeling,
but to get the wardrobes in,we had to raise the ceiling,
my lovely two seat sofa was heading to my door,
but we couldnae get it in,so halved it wi' number four.
My wee hoose is so compact,the design o' the hour,
I can sit on the john ,while I am in the shower,
my front doors a window, the window is a chimney,
the chimneys a spiral staircase, and an ariel for my tv.
Well I hope you've had a laugh ,at my situation,
I dont mind at all,I love my wee creation,
for if your in a council,and you dont have much money,
Barrat is the answer, the poor mans pot of honey.
And its o' dear me,what a happy day,
for I've went and bought a hoose fae Barrat..
SPOKEN FINISH;-"hello is that you doctor,its aboot my claustrophobia!"